I am crying, the whole world is crying with me. There is something in me that cries out to the something in everyone else that can't be spoken. I know that sounds philosophical and convoluted but it feels so true. I am foolish, I am sad, and I am desperate. I am still trying to decide what my lifelong goals are, whether I am terrified of doing anything or whether I want to take on the world. I keep waiting to see some magical beast, a fairae, an angel, or someone who will make clear my purpose. Why am I the one still alive? Why am I the one meant to hold it all together? There are days when I think it is all moving along and other days when I am sunk so deep in a hole I just feel dirt caving in me.

I am trying to cope with my fibromyalgia. It is a long and arduos process, especially when you add in my jaw issues. I feel like I am falling apart at 27! Doctors just do a lot of hemming and hawing, trying one little change after another. While I understand their cautiousness, I also feel so tired of feeling sick, tired and in pain all of the time. I try not to complain, but it gets to me. My jaw has been locking up the past few days and I have had a constant headache. Oh, I shall stop my complaining now.