Today I am feeling tired and lonely. Gloria has been fighting all sleep with a vengeance and it is making my nerves feel paper thin. She has been really talkative and full of energy, which is fun during the day and exhausting by the evening. I am trying to get her to sleep in her crib more, and she does not like that one bit. She screams and cries and it just breaks my heart. I must say that being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I just want her to be happy and healthy, yet I need to somehow stay sane myself.
I went to Walgreen's today and the store is filled with Valentine's Day products. I must say, it makes me so much sadder than I ever expected. I thought that perhaps this year it wouldn't feel so raw. Perhaps I have always felt this nagging sadness around Valentine's day. It just feels like a day that you don't want to get your hopes up on, but somehow you always do. It isn't like marriage made Valentine's day some sort of perfect "lover's day," but at least I knew I had someone to cuddle up next to that would tell me that he loved me and that I was the only one he wanted. Now, I have to prepare for holidays with a suit of emotional armor, hoping that it won't crack and leave me helplessly broken.
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