Old Friends

Today I had dinner with Kevin's highschool friend, George. It was nice to sit and talk about Kevin, hear new stories about him, and just be around someone who misses him a lot. It seems like as time goes by people talk about him less and less. I have been on autopilot now for about a week. I feel like I am spinning through the days just running around trying to keep myself from really thinking. I have this image of Kevin, kneeling in front of the television when it was hooked up to the computer, and staring at the screen intently working on some project. This snapshot of Kevin keeps popping into my head at the strangest times and sending me into a whirl of emotions. I think I miss that random downtime with him more than anything. Last night I put a few of our ornaments on my parents tree. I was so sad looking at these few ornaments that were meant to snowball into a lifetime of memories. I have to say that there was this surreal moment sitting at a restaurant and chatting with his high school friend without Kevin there. I wondered if Kevin is in heaven looking down and smiling at all of the strange ways that people have pulled together in their common love of him. I told George how Kevin died, since he didn't know. He said that as much as he loves Kevin and misses him, he has been angry that he died over something so trivial. It is nice to hear from someone else. Personally, I have yet to be really angry with Kevin for the mistakes he made. I am hopeful that I won't ever have to suffer the sadness of being angry with the one I love so dearly. I want that part of my relationship with him to be gone forever, and just the love to remain.