Gloria has been in a major funk all day long. She has been clingy, fussy and generally unpleasant. Sometimes when she gets so cranky I feel like I just space out so I don't have to hear the constant whining and crying. Is that awful?
Last night I was totally and completely inconsolable. I just kept bursting into tears and couldn't help it. I have just felt this heaviness in my heart. I think that I don't want it to be a full year since Kevin died because then I can't think "This time last year I was with Kevin." From that day on it become more and more distant. People assume that after a year it is easier to move forward, but I think that it is much harder. People are less patient, less sympathetic, less understanding after the one year mark. For me, it is every bit as lonely and painful, but I can no longer say that it is the freshness of first holidays, etc. without Kevin. I look back and can hardly remember the past year. It just seems like one long, sad day.
My mom wanted to cheer me up so she gave me a book that she got at her school's book fair and was going to put in my Christmas stocking (as opposed to my other stocking). The book is called "Cat-Titude." Even though it makes me suspect that my family thinks I am careening towards "crazy old cat-lady-dom" I still love it. Ok, enough cat wisdom. I am just saying that I really love the book and it made me smile. Next time any of you visit me, you are going to be subject to a reading of Cat-titude. I want to start my own list of clever little sayings.
Last night I was totally and completely inconsolable. I just kept bursting into tears and couldn't help it. I have just felt this heaviness in my heart. I think that I don't want it to be a full year since Kevin died because then I can't think "This time last year I was with Kevin." From that day on it become more and more distant. People assume that after a year it is easier to move forward, but I think that it is much harder. People are less patient, less sympathetic, less understanding after the one year mark. For me, it is every bit as lonely and painful, but I can no longer say that it is the freshness of first holidays, etc. without Kevin. I look back and can hardly remember the past year. It just seems like one long, sad day.
My mom wanted to cheer me up so she gave me a book that she got at her school's book fair and was going to put in my Christmas stocking (as opposed to my other stocking). The book is called "Cat-Titude." Even though it makes me suspect that my family thinks I am careening towards "crazy old cat-lady-dom" I still love it. Ok, enough cat wisdom. I am just saying that I really love the book and it made me smile. Next time any of you visit me, you are going to be subject to a reading of Cat-titude. I want to start my own list of clever little sayings.
1 comment:
The one thing in our lives that we cannot control is cats.
Did I call you yesterday, or did I just think just imagine the phone message I left you? I wrote you this rather long e-mail when halfway through, I decided to call you instead of sending it.
I'm a brainiac, which means I'm really focused. Because I don't feel crazy too. Maybe you've crossed over to those who regularly lose their mind in winter. We've been waiting.
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