He's Got the Whole World in His Hands, oh and I am there too

It is the middle of the night, once again, when I find myself awake with fingers that itch to write something before they will let my body rest. Today I picked my wearied body up out of bed and into some sweat pants, changed Gloria, and hobbled down the steps to see the bomb explosion of gifts, paper, boxes and bags awaiting me in the living room. I felt so sad and tired looking at the mess so I made a decision right then and there: do something to make you feel a little better before sinking into the mess. So, I buckled Gloria into her carseat and we went to the gym. It was a slow trip today and all I really focused on was doing some weight training and then 20 minutes on the treadmill. However, it occomplished what I had desired and boosted my mood enough to feel like tackling life once again. It isn't that I don't want to live or that I would hurt myself to be with Kevin, it's just that sometimes life feels like it will be so long and lonely without him. Also, in everything I do I feel like I carry Kevin with me, thinking about what he would enjoy or laugh about, or what he would tell me I am being crazy about. He is in my heart and on my mind CONSTANTLY. It is good, but it can also be an unbearable weight at times. So, after my brief workout I felt a little lighter. Then I stopped by my in-laws house to get my camera and visit with my Mom Henry. We ate chocolate peanut M&Ms and drank real sun iced tea while smiling at the baby playing. When I got home I uploaded her birthday pictures and the cloud had lifted even further from me.

Eventually, we went downstairs and Gloria tossed tissue about until she found the toy that kept her attention (alternately her new blocks and bucket or the Spanish/English speaking drum). So, I wrote down the gift list, sorted through board books and regular books, snipped off tags on clothing so it can be washed and generally tidied the area. It felt so nice to have that downtime with Gloria. I feel like God watches out for me when I get so sad. Sometimes it will feel like certain days or weeks go by and I almost can't get myself to even respond to emails I am too sad. Then, gradually God pulls me back in and reminds of how he holds me in his hands. Oh, the Veggie Tales like to remind me as well and basically should add "told you so" to the end of "He's got the whole world in His hands."