Today was Gloria's first birthday party. All of my siblings and their families were there, all of the Henry family (except Jesse and Susan) were there, and some special friends like Amy, Ivan and his girlfriend, Laura, Gunner and Pat (Linda's childhood friend), and Joanni Rocchi from the Growing Place. It was an energetic sunny day with a fresh breeze that lifted a lot of the sadness that often lurks in the corners of these events. The food was fantastic, we had lots of dessert, and the presents were thoughtful and beautiful. Everyone brought something unique that Gloria will love.
For me, I kept expecting to see Kevin around some corner. I kept thinking I would need to go grab him from the computer or the garage and help get things ready. I expected all of the toys to be taken out and tried in the middle of the floor. Instead it is neat and tidy me, I got into my car with Gloria nicely loaded up, waved good-bye to my in-laws, pulled out of the driveway and promptly fell apart. No Daddy for me to twitter about the party too, no daddy to drive while I sooth the baby to sleep, and no daddy to touch my hand and smile with me at the happiness of our little girl turning one. No, it was just me left thinking about the absence of that man, that man that I love so truly and miss so intensely. That man who would have loved to be here with me, but was too selfish to do it. And now I just feel alone.
1 comment:
I wish I could write something that would help but all I can think of is: I love you & you are not alone.
Post a Comment