I have not written much lately. It has been a time of year when words tend to escape me. It’s almost as if the creative writing section of my brain has gone south for the winter. I think that when I am feeling things very strongly it is harder to find the right amount of honesty to include in a blog. Even with all of the sadness and heartache, I have an ideal that I just can’t shake. It isn’t something I understand, but I definitely recognize it. I have met someone who gives me that restlessness that comes with downright attraction. This has been a back and forth thing that up until now I have been pretty hesitant to be openly optimistic about. In my head I think I like to take things slowly, but I am certainly a Scorpio with all of the immediate intensity and passion that this implies. The reason I open up now is that I have had some amazing conversations that lead me to believe really good things are on the horizon. I don’t hide emotion well anyway, and here I am unable to keep to myself this hope that is bubbling up inside.
There are some things that only time can tell, including the test of that force of emotion that I can only call love.
Rather than go on and on about the constant revolutions of my mind on this subject I will describe a moment that kind of sums it up: I am in a crowded room in a place that is both unfamiliar and intimidating. In my usual ignorance I have worn a bright pink and white striped shirt that sticks out sorely in a sea of black, grey and navy blue. So, I keep my head lowered, sip my drink and try not to think about how odd I feel in large social gatherings. Just about when my natural insecurity starts to overwhelm me I feel a hand at the base of my back; I have someone there to lean into, someone to put his arm around me and kiss the top of my head. I look up and smile at him and the moment that was about to overwhelm me with insecurity starts to wash over me in an emotion I have not been that accustomed to lately, true happiness. It is a beautiful thing, a precious gift that I could not have expected or planned. So I take a deep breath, kiss his neck, and give myself permission to feel the power of a microcosm of perfection in a chaotic and typically unpleasant reality. So I just want to thank him for giving me the best night I have had in three years.
There are some things that only time can tell, including the test of that force of emotion that I can only call love.
Rather than go on and on about the constant revolutions of my mind on this subject I will describe a moment that kind of sums it up: I am in a crowded room in a place that is both unfamiliar and intimidating. In my usual ignorance I have worn a bright pink and white striped shirt that sticks out sorely in a sea of black, grey and navy blue. So, I keep my head lowered, sip my drink and try not to think about how odd I feel in large social gatherings. Just about when my natural insecurity starts to overwhelm me I feel a hand at the base of my back; I have someone there to lean into, someone to put his arm around me and kiss the top of my head. I look up and smile at him and the moment that was about to overwhelm me with insecurity starts to wash over me in an emotion I have not been that accustomed to lately, true happiness. It is a beautiful thing, a precious gift that I could not have expected or planned. So I take a deep breath, kiss his neck, and give myself permission to feel the power of a microcosm of perfection in a chaotic and typically unpleasant reality. So I just want to thank him for giving me the best night I have had in three years.
1 comment:
I'm glad you were able to find happiness, no matter how small. You had me worried. I will pray for it to grow and flourish.
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