Memories and Delusion

I want to write a tribute to the man I love, the man who should have been 31 this past May 2, 2009. I just felt like I wanted to be reminded on his birthday of how much life he brought to the people around him. I kept starting this blog entry and then stopping, writing and erasing, creating and destroying. It seems to be an endless loop that I fall into whenever I want to really focus and get across all of the thoughts that race through my head and into my heart. If I stop and think I can still imagine just what it felt like to hug him and to hear him laugh. If I just close my eyes I think maybe it will be like he is still sleeping next to me. Then, I remember that he was an awful snorer and would have never been so quiet in the night. It is sad because it reminds me that he isn't there and spoils any delusion of his presence, but it's comforting because it reminds me that I still remember what he really was like and that because I love him so much I can't think myself out of the sadness of his physical absence.