A Thanksgiving Day Moment

Today I spent a few brief minutes alone. I was driving to Walgreens for, what else, but last minute tapered candles. What is Thanksgiving without tapered candles? I broke down. Not literally, but emotionally. I needed Kevin, I had to have him with me, and I could not bear the thought that he was nowhere to be found. As I headed home I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of family members. Unfortunately, as time goes by people become less and less equipped to deal with grief. There is a sense of "get on with your life already!" When I tell people I have had a tough day or I am sad the response is no longer, "I understand, it's ok to be upset," but more along the lines of "was this because of something new or the same old reasons." They do not mean to be cold, but it can be exhausting to watch someone else grieve in what seems like an endless process of sadness and tears. So, when I got home I pulled the turkey out of the oven to "rest," bundled up Gloria, put Bailey on his leash and headed for a brief walk. As we were walking through the park across the street I felt that overwhelming sadness building up again. I thought, "I am so selfish, Lord, but I need a sign. I know I shouldn't ask for signs, but I need a sign. I need to know that Kevin still sees me and loves me. I can't get through this day without him." I knew it was wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, just human, but nevertheless not really fair to demand signs from God. Then, the strangest thing happened. I looked up and saw a "toy" airplane flying through the air. I didn't see any person and I couldn't even hear the tiny engine chugging away against the force of the wind, just this white plane with a red stripe down both sides. It was hurling itself into the sky, dropping down, swirling and then gracefully floating back up again. I stood paralyzed, mesmerized by this obvious sign of God and Kevin literally flying in the face of all my doubts.

As an aside, in case some of you didn't know Kevin personally, he built model airplanes with tiny engines and big wings and flew them with his "model airplane club" at the Springbrook Forest Preserve in Naperville. Kevin absolutely loved this hobby, and only gave it up when he decided to propose to me and put his money towards our life together. Whenever Kevin and I drove down Naperville-Plainfield road (which was a lot considering it was on the way to his parents house) he would crane his neck and look up for signs of the model airplanes in the sky. I have never seen a model airplane flown outside of that miniature airfield until today.