Sharing

I was trying to describe Kevin's "sparkle" to my therapist today and felt like it was so hard to get across. I brought some pictures of Kevin to show her and she kept asking me, "what do you see when you look at this picture." Again and again I kept coming back to how safe and secure I felt with him. Kevin was a strong anchor in my life, someone that I thought I would always be able to depend on. Now, I am not sure how to anchor myself. Kevin was just always so sweet and tender, quick to say he loved me and appreciated me, and slow to ever be angry. He always had a kind touch, a hand on my waist, a kiss on my forehead, a hand on my hand. I really miss the companionship and the partnership.

I was sharing the story of when Kevin built his first low-wing model airplane in silver and royal purple. His final (wonderful) touch was to painstakingly cut out my name in cursive and iron it onto the side of the plane. A bold, beautiful "MICHELLE D" for the world to see who he loved. He actually used a tiny razor to carve all of the details on that plane and was so proud of it. The second day he took it out to fly it was so windy and no one else was at the plane field. Kevin knew it was probably foolhardy to fly the plane in such windy weather, but he could not wait to get the feel of the new wings and engine. He got it into the air and looped around a few times. Then he sent it soaring into the heights - as it swooped down a giant gust of wind came by and swept the plane away! Even though it had an engine it wasn't strong enough to go against the current, so we watched "Michelle D" fly off into the "sunset." Ever since that day we thought of that plane as a phantom. We envisioned it still flying the skys over the Springbrook Prairie Reserve watching out for the men and boys out flying their model planes on sunny days. Every time we drove down Naper-Plainfield (which was a lot) we would crane our necks up to see if the phantom plane was up there. Although I have never seen it, I still believe in it now. I feel like it is almost as mysterious as a unicorn. I think I have finally found something that I would be even more amazed to see than my unicorn, my phantom Michelle D plane in silver and purple. Ahhh, it feels so good to share these stories.