Today I went with my mother-in-law to work on a second draft of Kevin and my headstone at Kapsa Monument in Downers Grove, IL. It is a small, family owned business and the woman's name is Gloria, which I find comforting for whatever reason. I guess I have never met a Gloria that I didn't like. Anyway, given my difficult and late night last night it felt only right that I would be working on the headstone today. A part of me wants to get it over with because the decisions are so difficult, another part of me wants to drag it out forever because it is so permanent and final. It feels like once that is done I won't have any "project" left that revolves around Kevin's death. I suppose the fact that all of our stuff is in storage waiting for me to sort through it is another huge project.
Today is my friend Jenny's 1st wedding anniversary. Thinking about her of course made me think of my own first anniversary with Kevin. It's funny how you think it will be a grand event, and yet when it comes you are just content to sit together and look at the wedding photos, marveling at how you ever lived BEFORE you were married. Everything about marriage with Kevin came very naturally in the beginning. Perhaps it was the "honeymoon" period, or perhaps we were kindred spirits. I truly think that the healthy part of Kevin was a perfect match for me. We just molded to each other in such a wonderful way. I think it is often very obvious when couples are really good for each other and to each other. Jenny and her husband, Ben, definitely seem that way. My in-laws are that way together, my sister-in-law and brother, my sister and her husband, and my Grandma Nicki and my Grandpa were that way. I think that there is nothing more enjoyable then seeing two people who are comfortable in their love for each other, with nothing to prove, and nothing to feel threatened by. Of course, now it makes me sad because I miss Kevin so terribly. At the same time, I am infinitely thankful for all of the good things about my relationship with Kevin and all of the good years we had together. This September it would have been my 8th year of knowing Kevin. He is forever engrained in the person that I am and will become. Oh, I love him. I just pray that the Lord continues to tell him how much I love and miss him, and how very hard I am working to keep surviving without him.
2 comments:
Thank you for thinking of us on our anniversary. It was simple and sweet- just like you knew it would be. :o) As for your Kevin project, think of the beautiful book of Kevin you want to create for Gloria that revolves not so much on Kevin's death but his entire life. THAT should be something to make you want to finish the headstone and move on to something fun, amazing, colorful, and memory-based. PS I love the picture of you two in the pool.
Thank you for thinking of us on our anniversary. IT was simple and sweet- just like you knew it would be. :o) As for your Kevin Project, I want to remind you of your goal to create a Kevin memory book for Gloria that celebrates his and eventually your life. :o) That should be something that you can look forward to after the headstone- much more colorful, memory-ish, celebratory, etc. PS I love the pool picture.
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