Contessa de la Henry

My sister suggested that she would prefer to be called Baroness Von Remes, so I decided that would be fine as long as I can be called Contessa de la Henry. I suppose my sister-in-law, Liz, will have to be Lady Duncan or Duchess of Daniel. It is 4:00 am and I am awake once again. Gloria has been incredibly active and fussy when it comes to sleeping the past week. Although I am exhausted, I am still very much looking forward to her party. Earlier today (or rather yesterday) Gloria had her one year portraits taken. She was less than cooperative, however they turned out fantastic. I decided a while ago to get my family portrait taken with her, because that is what I would have done if Kevin were alive. Although I am happy that I did it, for me there is a gaping hole in the pictures. I feel like I look like a stiff mom with weird hair and a scary tuba nose. The more I stared at myself in the pictures and found things to pick about, the more disturbed I became at my own inclinations. There are a million cliches about "beauty on the inside" and "you pick yourself apart worse than anyone else will," and yet none of these are truly the point. The whole reason I wanted to be in these pictures is because I love Gloria, I am her family, and we will enjoy this reflection of our relationship for many years to come. So, regardless of whether I look like a model or a monkey, I need to get over myself and remember the bigger picture. I have survived the hardest year of my life and I am proud that in spite of how broken I feel inside, I have a wonderful little girl who is confident, smart, and bursting with joy. I know that this has taken a cheesy turn, but I think it is important for me to say. Even if I sometimes hate myself or feel overwhelmed with sadness, I still recognize the importance of getting up each day and rediscovering all of the good things that God has in store for me.