Gravity

I have had an unusual amount of free time this week and it is not agreeing with me. Perhaps it is just that I have a few days off of work in a row, or perhaps I am just losing my mind, but I have felt especially caught in my own web of thoughts. I have actually worked out enough lately to wear out the batteries in my elliptical, so tomorrow I am off to replace those. Gloria has had a cold, which has kept us fairly housebound for the past couple of days. I know that if I can keep myself occupied through Saturday I have a lot going on starting on Sunday.
I have always been aware of my mind's tendency to wander off on it's own, but now I seem to be spending too much time thinking about how much I am thinking. Do I have an off switch? I have also learned that while you would think that there would be a significant correlation between physical and mental exhaustion, in fact they can have nothing to do with each other at times. My body is most certainly tired and sore, while my mind keeps skipping along at a breakneck pace. So, the only way to slow down this endless thought process is to occupy my mind. I have a hard time sitting still and really thinking through anything. When the television is on I am also cleaning or on the computer, when music is on I am working out or driving, when Gloria is in the bath I am sitting next to her reading. So, I definitely need to slow down and learn to pay attention to my life as it goes by.
I am not certain if this is a byproduct of the grieving process. Sometimes when the pain of loss is so great I force myself into a cycle of busyness to keep me from falling apart. It's as if the rotation of my mind has its own gravitational pull. My life is kept precariously in orbit by the frantic spinning of thoughts, ideas and emotions. Thus far my only idea on how to break this unhealthy mental cycle is to start yoga again, to read a real book instead of a magazine, and to pray. Only time will tell if this will help ground me or if I will just watch the planets spin off into oblivion one by one . . .