Kevin's 30th

Today would have been Kevin's 30th birthday. I imagine that I would have teased him a great bit about getting old, and then reminded him that he always looked like he was 16. I regret that I never threw him a big party or surprised him with some fantastic present. I don't know what we would have done or how we would have celebrated. Kevin was mostly about spontaneous moments and less about formal celebrations.

It has given me pause to reflect on birthdays and what "counts." Most people say that you stop counting age once a person has died, but as a Christian I believe that Kevin is still alive in heaven. So, it's only fair that I continue to count birthdays for him in my head. So, I think to myself that "Kevin would be 30 now." It's the same way with our wedding anniversary. Although I am aware of the "till death do us part" in our vows, personally I feel like death has not totally parted us in our love for each other, our love for the Lord, and the daughter that carries our genetic proof of our love. So, each year that I live carrying Kevin in my heart counts towards my marriage to him (emotionally, spiritually, but not legally). So, I count each year. One of the only things that makes me feel secure is the knowledge of how much I still love and admire and miss Kevin. Finding Kevin's voice within me has given me great strength to move forward in small increments.