Pushing Up

Having been a major hermit for weeks on end, this weekend I went into a manic social state and managed to spend really good time with friends I haven't seen in so long. On the one hand, I felt like I had to be "out" and "doing things" to be with people, on the other hand I know that I was in a manic pose trying to be together and interesting and honest without actually breaking down. I am hoping that somehow I can help people be willing to sit with me when I break down. Instead of insanity, manic energy pushing me up and into the world for no reason. I am attempting to get myself to a better place, although right now the sadness does not seem to have an end in sight. I don't know how to see a happier life ahead, but I have to believe that it is possible.