Making the Night Bearable

My life continues to change in so many ways. My friendship with George (Bud) has come to an abrubt end. Suffice it to say, my life is very complicated and I only need people that are going to add to it. Bud was looking for some kind of link to Kevin, and although I admit I am a link to Kevin (thank-you, Lord, for letting me be a link!) I am also my own person, and I need to be treated as such. We are still on good terms and will stay in touch in a more distant way. I don't know how to be a guarded person. I don't really know how to keep parts of me boxed up, hidden, suppressed until someone is ready to know all of me. When you meet me, you get me, and I am not sure if I want to limit myself or not.

Yesterday was just such a bad day. My jaw has been hurting, the weather was awful, and I had to say good-bye to George. I went to the gym and worked out, trying to cycle all of the negativity out of my head and life on the elliptical machine, and then sat in the locker room shower crying. I am at the point that I almost don't care if strangers hear me gasping and snorting in a public display of grief. On my way home I realized that I am not sad about George, although it is a disappointment, I am really just sad about Kevin. I miss Kevin, who was such a wonderful man and made me feel unbelievably beautiful. So, I started to calm down, because I know how to miss Kevin, that is my way of life now. Then, I noticed I had a voicemail on my cell phone. I had called Matt Beese earlier, a good friend of my younger brothers, to thank him for giving me his used mini-fridge to keep water in my bedroom. He had called me back and left a nice message with the parting words, "Give me a call back when you get the chance, it is always so nice to hear your voice." A big smile spread across my face. Such simple words, such unexplained kindness. Who knew that God could use voicemail to get a grieving widow through a difficult night. So, thank you to Matt Beese for being a sweetheart and making my night bearable, and thank you Lord for getting me through the night.