For those of you who haven't already heard, on Monday I was showering at the gym when the fire alarm went off. It was not a drill, there really was smoke pouring into the building, and the frantic staff were rushing everyone outside. So, I had to run half naked and squeeze into my jeans (no underwear or bra even!) and a shirt before being shoved out the door. It was frantic, stressful, and embarassing to say the least. Gloria and the other children had been evacuated first and were happily playing on the lawn with the daycare workers. I got Gloria, hobbled to my car, head down, and sat for about 5 minutes trying to catch my breath. I got home, peeled off my wet clothes, tried to get a comb through my matted hair and breathed a sigh of relief. That was not a pleasant experience, but something I can laugh about in retrospect.
Yesterday I thought I was going to mentally shut down. After the whole gym incident I came home and Gloria was in a mood, to say the least. She was fussing and crying for no real reason, wearing me out and refusing to nap. I called my mom and she was not sympathetic. She came home and shut herself in her room to rest. Later, she suggested that I let Gloria "cry it out" until she learns to nap on her own. I don't think that anyone knows how fragile I am. I can not handle hearing Gloria cry when I know I can help her. It physically hurts me to hear her upset, and I shut down and can't cope with it. The thing is, I keep myself moving day to day and look pretty good to the outside world, but inside I feel like the slightest thing could make it all crash down on my head. I am dying for some alone time without having to bounce Gloria 24/7, but I will not sacrifice her to screaming it out for any reason. Life is short, too short to live through excruciating moments that I don't have to. Anyway, the whole day got me down to a terrible low point.
Then, last night my sister-in-law called me and later IM'd me just to see how I was doing. She let me complain and cry, understanding why I was feeling so down and frustrated. So, my world got a little lighter after talking with her. Then, I spent all day today with my mother-in-law, Linda (whom I call Mom) at the Outlet Mall in North Aurora. We laughed, joked, and talked away like best friends. She held Gloria a lot for me and we got some adorable baby clothes. I talked with her about the trip she is taking in November to the Florida Keys with Ron, Jesse & Susan (her son and daughter-in-law). I will be dog-sitting little Reggie and my adorable Izzy Kitty (above) while they are gone. They wanted to pay me but I told them I wouldn't take money, since dogsitting is what daughter's do. Next thing she tells me today that she got me this jacket I have been drooling over for a month. I have tried this jacket on probably five times, each time knowing that I would never spend that much money on myself. I was completely shocked and so touched that she did such an amazing and nice thing for me. It wasn't just that the gift was expensive, but more that she thought to do something like that just to show that she knows me and she cares. It lifted my spirits even higher. So, I feel like God has pulled me back into life a little more. I slip down so far and then he reaches His hand out to pull me back up to the surface again.
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