Today is Gloria's first birthday. We spent the morning wandering through plants at The Growing Place with her Grandma Linda. She got to ride on a granite sea turtle and brush her little toes on the long grass. She also got to splash in a bird bath fountain and throw little white pebbles on the path. She was born to love plants and architecture.
Later that afternoon we made a double-layer chocolate cake with a big 1 on it. She got to do something my mom and I have always dreamed of watching a child do - rip each individual tissue out of a full tissue box one by one. It was raining tissue like leaves in the fall. Then she opened a couple pre-party gifts, which included two Veggie Tales DVD, a Veggie Tales dance program with a colored dance mat, and a lovely book.
The rest of the evening was more on the stressful side. Gloria has been worked up and hard to wind back down. Even after a soothing bath and massage she wanted to jump down and find Grandpa to play. I feel incredibly lucky to have my little girl, and also to know I am done giving birth to her, Hooray!
I must admit that missing Kevin is a big part of today. The strength of our love is what got me through giving birth. He held my hand and stared right back into my eyes during the whole thing, just loving me and willing me to take his strength. All I could think was how much I loved him and wanted to hold onto him. I wanted to be a family with him forever. So, today has come and already I am alone. I miss him with every part of me, to my very core. I hope that with time Gloria's birthdays are not a painful reminder of missing the love of my life.
Later that afternoon we made a double-layer chocolate cake with a big 1 on it. She got to do something my mom and I have always dreamed of watching a child do - rip each individual tissue out of a full tissue box one by one. It was raining tissue like leaves in the fall. Then she opened a couple pre-party gifts, which included two Veggie Tales DVD, a Veggie Tales dance program with a colored dance mat, and a lovely book.
The rest of the evening was more on the stressful side. Gloria has been worked up and hard to wind back down. Even after a soothing bath and massage she wanted to jump down and find Grandpa to play. I feel incredibly lucky to have my little girl, and also to know I am done giving birth to her, Hooray!
I must admit that missing Kevin is a big part of today. The strength of our love is what got me through giving birth. He held my hand and stared right back into my eyes during the whole thing, just loving me and willing me to take his strength. All I could think was how much I loved him and wanted to hold onto him. I wanted to be a family with him forever. So, today has come and already I am alone. I miss him with every part of me, to my very core. I hope that with time Gloria's birthdays are not a painful reminder of missing the love of my life.
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